Between the taking care of our kids, pursuing our careers, and dealing with the curveballs of day to day life, trying to maintaining a marriage can sometimes feel like just another cross to bear. When some couples finally make time to check in and “roll away the rock” on their hearts, it isn’t unusual to find that the love for their spouse is gone. But be not afraid because your friends at Janice have come up with six Easter Egg hiding spots that we guarantee will resurrect your marriage!
1. Her Coffee Mug
Start your Easter off right by waking up early and rustling up a big ol' breakfast-in-bed for your sweetheart. After all the fighting, the lying, thousands of dollars wasted counseling sessions, tense, sex-less romantic getaways, and a catastrophic three-week experiment with an “open” marriage, a tray of steaming hot flapjacks is the perfect way to show that you’re willing to give this thing one more shot. And when she goes for her first sip of coffee and ends up sucking on an egg, she’ll know that all those late night screaming matches still haven’t completely squashed out that flirty sense of mischief that she fell in love with.
2. His Briefcase
The pressures of work can be a big distraction in a relationship and leave us too stressed to connect with our spouses in a meaningful way. When he instinctively goes for the laptop to fire off a few emails, this little “pop up” will be a fun reminder that on Easter like every day, family should come first. What has all that money he makes bought you anyway? These pearls? This house? You mean these shackles? This prison?
3. A Family Photo Album
Have your egg hunt take a detour down “memory lane” by hiding a Cadbury or two in your family photo album. Images of your wedding, the birth of your children, the trip to Disneyworld, etc. will all serve as touching reminders of the beautiful family that you’ve created together. As she leafs through the pages, try to gently ask “Is this still something that you want to be a part of?” If you can’t bear to form the words for fear of what her answer might be, you can subtly put the ball in her court by taking time to cut her face out of every photo and replace it with a question mark the night before.
4. The Shower Drain
As he bends down to pluck up this squeaky clean surprise, he won’t be able to help but notice, just like you couldn’t help but notice when you were scrubbing the tub on Tuesday, the long strands of strawberry blonde hair stuck in the drain. A well-placed egg lets him know that you know about her. The egg says that you know that he brought her here. Into your home. Where your children sleep. The egg tells him that whatever it is, it’s over.
5. The Fireplace
As your holy Easter morning starts to turn into a sexy Easter evening, set the mood by asking her to light a fire while you open a bottle of wine. After a few minutes, the heat from the flame will melt the egg you nestled between the logs earlier that day. The noxious aroma of burning plastic filling the room will provide a perfect opportunity for the two of you to discuss the consequences of assumption. Between gagging fits, try to scream questions at her over the sound of the smoke alarm like... Did you check the fireplace before you went started the fire? Why did you think that the fireplace was “fine?” How could you know if the fireplace was “fine” if you didn’t check? When she tries to get up and do something about the chemical hazard roaring away in your hearth, create an intimate moment by holding her close and calmly insisting that she sit in the mess that she’s made.
6. Your Cleavage
Now that the fire is roaring, things can really start to “heat up.” For a fun bit of foreplay, nestle a Peep right between your “peeps” and send him digging after it. If he starts getting coy, try teasing him a bit by calling him “gay.” Because if he won’t touch your body, it’s either because he’s gay or because the thought of being sexual with you completely disgusts him. And if it’s neither, then he can reach down for the slimy marshmallow bird between your tits and prove it.