Wow, guys. We did it. I've just gotten word that our Taco Bell franchise in Koreatown has received a Michelin star.

This is a huge honor and it's highly unexpected. The Michelin star is the most prestigious and coveted rating a restaurant can receive. I had no idea Michelin would review our Taco Bell, or any Taco Bell, for that matter. Only sixty four restaurants in New York City have Michelin stars. Our Taco Ball is, as decided by a highly qualified inspector, a better place to eat than ninety five percent of restaurants in the world.

To say this is an anomaly would be the understatement of the millennium. Our Taco Bell currently has one and a quarter stars on Yelp. User MacDaddy2 claimed our Beefy Fritos burrito have caused him to vomit blood. User CoolChica11 said our Triple Layer nachos were soggier than her panties after she saw the Beatles at Shea Stadium. The health inspector shut us down last month when we found a colony of millipedes inside a caramel apple empenada. But somehow, by the grace of God or Satan, we swung all the way around to the top echelon of the food industry. And I have no idea what we did differently.

Was it a mistake? Is there a swanky new Japanese sushi bar named Tac Obelle? Sometimes the simplest explanation is the correct one. Rosa, you were working the register last week. Did we somehow switch an order of Nachos Bellgrande out for a veal scallopine? Bonnie, did you decide to make the spicy tostata not out of lettuce stuck to the bottom of the freezer and beef off the floor, but with sautéed foie gras, black olive seasoning, lychee and brioche? Rosa, have you been wearing some kind of sexy lipstick?

I know we were all loving the A.M Crunchwraps. It's literally the only thing I will let my children eat here until they've received all their shots. Do you think that was what did it for us? It's practically the only thing we serve that doesn't taste like the floor of the women's restroom at Sea World. Or maybe it was the Firey Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme? I always thought it was just your average slathering of rat meat smothered in Dorito dust, but one man's trash, etc, etc.

Maybe it's less what we did and more the sharp decline of food in America. Maybe every other restaurant has gotten so abysmal that the Koreatown Taco Bell has become a beacon of provocative cuisine and soothing ambiance. Maybe the old rules have given way to chaos in this brave new world.

I guess the only thing now is to see if we can get two stars. Hell, could we get a perfect three stars? There's less than fifty of those in the world, and most of them are in fucking France. Let's stop passing off sour cream left on the dashboard of Harvey's Sonata as creamy chipotle sauce and quit defrosting burritos in the handicap toilet. Unless that's what got us our star? Are we accidental geniuses or are we frauds?

Or maybe the Michelin inspector was really fucking high.