I know you're in the middle of reading some great comedy, but I'd like to take a moment and tell you about something important to us: making the Internet Inaccessible for the blind.
Since the early 90's, the Internet has becoming more and more accommodating for the visually impaired. Text to speech programs are more accurate than ever, and despite our best efforts, we can't destroy them fast enough. Most people don't realize how easy it is for a blind person to log on to the Internet and bombard their minds with lazy joke writing, 8th grade lockeroom journalism, and embarrassingly derivative videos with a shelf life of the better part of an afternoon. As a society, we know enough not to expose our children and small dogs to this drivel, but it's shocking and disheartening that we haven't afforded blind people the same respect. It's the 21st century and blind people still struggle with being able to clearly understand yet another “movie in the style of Wes Anderson” parody video.
We are currently developing a browser plug in that plays repetitive, high-pitched squeals whenever the Internet is accessed, but this plug in is only mildly less mind-numbing than your average Internet content. In an ideal world, we'd have the money and resources to hire caretakers that would punch a blind person whenever they Google phrases like “Gamergate,” “thinkpiece,” “GIF set,” “Netflix reboot,” or “salon.com.” But we don't live in a utopia. We live in reality, where technology is advancing at the same rate the quality of media is plunging into the gutter.
But hope is on the horizon. Big companies are pledging to keep the blind from a life with the Internet. Microsoft has promised that it's new browser Project Spartan will fail to render Impact font. Hewlett Packard has guaranteed that any Braille printouts of a twenty-something's pop culture musings will instantaneously cause severe finger bleeding. Apple said they will add new inaccessibility options to iOS that will reroute the blind to the nearest public library whenever the SNL cast members are ranked.
Every day, we take our eyes for granted. All the hashtags we don't look look at, the webseries created by someone practically begging for a manager, the JPEG images from contemporary pop culture paired with descriptions of relatable situations that have you all being like and it's like is this ironic or desperate or what? The blind deserve to not look at these things, too.