Janice

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How to Draw: Garfield

Drawing America's favorite cartoon feline is easy! Just follow our six simple steps...

Step 1: Start by tracing out that fucker's smug little smirk. It helps to imagine that he's smiling because he thinks he's got something on you. But he doesn't. He's just a dumbass cat.

Step 2: Next, add in two large, overlapping ovals... COUGHNUTSACKCOUGH... for that little prick's eyeballs. With peepers that big, you think that he'd be able to see the world of hurt he's in for one day if he keeps acting like the arrogant little bitch that he is. But the dude's got no idea.

Step 3: Now comes some detailing on the mouth and eyes as well as the addition of hands and ears. If you wanted to leave the ears off of this little butt-munch, you could. It wouldn't make much of a difference. This furry dick never listens anyway. Now matter how much Jon and Odie beg for him to stop, he just keeps tearing their lives to pieces. It's un-fucking-believable.

Step 4: Add in a large oval for this asshole's head and don't forget a big "D" shape for his fat fucking gut. I'm sure it's easy to cook up a bunch of one liners to "zing" Jon with when all you do all day is shove lasagna down your gaping, wet craw you flabby piece of shit. Try as much as you can to show that Garfield is an emotional and financial drain on a person that has shown him nothing but undeserved compassion.

Step 5: It almost looks like he's sleeping, doesn't it? Whaddya say we just sketch in a pillow over his face and smother this mean, sarcastic little cock out? This lazy fuck hates waking up so much, how about we do him a favor and make it so he never has to wake up again? Would anyone notice if he was gone? Would anyone care? I bet Jon only catches on that the bastard is dead the first time he goes on a date without being utterly mocked for no goddamn reason.

Step 6: There he is, fuckin' self-satisfied butterball. How did yours turn out? You know you drew a good Garfield if the very sight of it makes you want to fuckin' wretch.