Find your own space on the floor. Lie down and take a moment to get comfortable. Begin to relax your body and your mind. Try to come to stillness

Today’s meditation is intended to help you explore and deal with your feelings of grief. The loss of a loved one is always difficult, but is important that you know that you are not alone. Your loss can be just as difficult for the people around you who aren’t very good with these kinds of things. You are not the only one hurting. Find strength in that thought.

While you may be struggling with the heartbreak that follows the departure of a friend or family member, remember that others may be struggling to find the appropriate thing to do or say the next time they see you. They want to help. But they don’t want to be weird. Try to take feel their support, even though they may not be able make it clearly and intentionally known to you.

And just as you might feel frustrated or angry that someone special was taken from you, those around you might feel frustrated or angry because offering comfort seems to come so naturally to some people. Anger is OK. Anger is natural. Both kinds of anger.

Your grief is real. Your grief is important. The social and emotional torment that your grief puts upon others is real and important too. Before we begin the meditation, let’s take a quiet moment to recognize that.

OK. Let’s start by focusing on our breathing.

Take a deep breath in… and let it out…

Take another breath in… and slowly let it out…

I want to begin by saying how sorry I am about the loved one that you lost. I mean, I’m sorry that you lost them. I’m not sorry “about” them. They were wonderful. I bet. I didn’t know them, but judging from how upset you are, I’m sure they were great…

Maybe let’s go back to our breathing again for a second.

Let’s a deep breath in, breathing in what I meant to say… and then breathe out, releasing how it all came off… Great. Let’s do that two more times.

I’ve heard that a lot of people dealing with grief feel like they are going crazy. You are not going crazy. You might not feel like yourself, but people always feel weird after this kind of stuff. Sorry, not “weird.” Just different compared to how you usually feel. OK, what I’m saying it that it is “normal” to not feel “normal” after someone dies. It’s no big deal. It’s a big deal that they died, just not how you feel about it. You know what I mean. Try to focus your attention on what you know I mean.

OK. This has been a lot so far, right? Grief, and talking about grief, can be draining. Let’s take a moment to relax and recharge before we continue.

Imagine that your body is a potato and that your skin is aluminum foil. Now imagine yourself being placed into a hot oven. The door closes and the oven goes dark. The only sound is the quiet hiss of the gas.

You start to feel heat on your foil. It is strong, but it is pleasant. Picture the potato beginning to cook. Imagine the heat spreading past your foil and into your white, starchy body. Starting from the outside and slowly moving inward, allow the heat from the oven to penetrate your body. Your body is starting to loosen. You start to turn soft and pillowy.

When the heat reaches very core of your potato imagine, that the water inside of your cells begins to boil, then evaporate. You are beginning to steam. Imagine the steam rising up and out of your body. Imagine what it would be like to be this baked potato. Feel yourself become lighter and lighter. Feel your body becoming more and more relaxed. Feel yourself becoming more and more fork tender. 

Are you asleep? Or getting sleepy? Does thinking yourself as a nice, warm baked potato make you sleepy at all? If you find yourself drifting off and unable to continue with today’s meditation on grief, that’s OK. We really don’t have to talk about this now.

You seem sleepy. I’m going to countdown slowly from five, just to make sure you aren’t about to fall asleep.

Five…

And maybe slow your breathing down…

Four…

Maybe feel your eyelids becoming heavier…

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Three…

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Let your body relax…

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Two…

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It’s OK to fall asleep. Now is not a time for judgement.

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And…

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One…

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Are you asleep?

Use your mind’s eye to double check that you’re not at all sleepy and that you want to continue.

In that case, let’s try to bring our mindfulness back to taking another crack at this grief thing.

You’ll probably go through a stage of questioning. Why did this loss happen? Is this part of some kind of plan? Does this have a purpose? Will I ever feel the same again? 

Do I want people bring it up when they see me? Do I even want to talk about it? Would I be OK getting a condolence email? What about a condolence text? Do I want people to hug me? Even if this would be the first time that we’ve ever hugged?

It’s OK to question or to be unsure. Sometimes there are no answers, but if you think of any, please write them down at the end of class.

It probably wouldn’t hurt to remind yourself that death is not always a negative. Death can bring an end to pain and suffering. Death can bring peace and rest. A lot of people are probably better off dead…

You know what? Let’s go back to the breathing for a moment…

Deep breath in… and slowly, very, very slowly, let it out…

Deep breath in… and hold it… and maybe take this opportunity to see how long you can hold it? When’s the last time time you tested yourself? Try a couple of times. It always takes a little bit to get warmed up. 

Don’t worry. We’ve got plenty of time. We can take the rest of meditation to work on this if you want. This is your time. What’s your personal record for breath-holding so far? Let’s see if you can beat it. There is no rush. Honestly, take as long as you want.

A lot of people say that we all grieve in our own way, which is why the next section of the meditation will be a sort of free-form grabbag. Let’s see what sticks for you.

Death is a part of life. No one lives forever. Be thankful for the time you had. They’re going home. C’est la vie. Que sera sera. Circle of life. Dust in the wind. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

If you would like to add anything to the grabbag, please give voice to it now.

Now, allow whatever thoughts feel are helpful to sink into your mind and let whatever ideas you don’t think will work to float away and be completely forgotten. Remember that because we all grieve in our own way, offering blanket comfort and guidance is super, super tricky. Now is not a time for judgement.

I’m thinking that it’s probably a bad idea to blame yourself for this loss. You did not deserve this. This is not your fault. That is not to say that you are perfect. We all contain flaws. It is part of being human. But the death of another is not a punishment for your mistakes. Your actions will have much more direct and obvious connections to the negative consequences they produce.

Actually, how about we leave that thought and… Picture yourself in a bright, beautiful room. In this room, you feel calm. You have no worries.

In the middle of a room, picture a table with two chairs. Sitting in one of the chairs is the loved one that you lost, looking out of a window at a sunny day. They look happy and peaceful. Imagine yourself sitting across from them. You don’t have to say anything… You can just enjoy their presence… But maybe you want to talk to them?

“Hey… buddy!” they maybe say. “Don’t worry about me. I’m doing A-OK. Never been better. Death? Bah-da-da-da-daa. I’m loving it!”

Quickly imagine that your loved one suddenly remembered a very important meeting that they have to be at. They love you very much, but they have to go right now and they can’t talk anymore.

Now is the time to conclude this meditation.

Before we finish, take a moment to go over everything you’ve experienced today. Allow yourself to give in to your emotions. If you feel like you’re going to cry, slowly raise your hand, so I can leave the room and let you do your thing.