A Definitive Ranking Of All The Dr. Who's By People Who Have Never Seen Dr. Who

Wow. A definitive ranking of all the Dr. Who's. It's a list that's been debated for decades by die hard Dr. Who fans, or Who-sers, as they feasibly could call themselves. The decades long British science fiction series that no one at Janice has any interest in seeing inspired much debate at our office. We toiled away over the course of a long weekend, fielding any and all arguments in our Tardis about Daleaks, but I think we finally have the definitive list of the greatest Dr. Who's of all time. Note: we are only counting the television Doctors in this list. To include all the Doctors throughout media would have caused us to tear our hair out! Also, who cares.

1. David Tennant (Tenth Doctor)

On first glance, David Tennant looks like someone who would be well-liked as Dr. Who. He is not the most recent Dr. Who, which makes him someone fans probably look back on with nostalgia, and he played the Good Doctor (I am assuming this is a nickname) at a time when many current fans were probably getting into the series.

2. Tom Baker (Fourth Doctor)

Tom played the Doctor right in what looks like the “glory days” of the series. He's probably a beloved figure, and saying he's your favorite Doctor is probably like saying Joel is your favorite on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Safe and predictable Tom Baker is an obvious, no-brainer number 2.

3. Matt Smith (Eleventh Doctor)

Matt Smith is someone who looks like he has done Doctor Who for a while. This either means he was beloved or took a while to secure a new gig so he could transition out of doing this awful nerd shit. Either way, he is a sure-fire pick for the third greatest Doctor.

4. Peter Davison (Fifth Doctor)

We assume Peter Davison was the Doctor of our readers' older brothers. For this reason, there is almost assuredly a weird reverence surrounding Davison, as if decrying Davison would still get them kicked off the brand new Pentium machine in the family room.

5. Sylvester McCoy (Seventh Doctor)

Sylvester McCoy is the “real McCoy” as Dr. Who. We almost ranked him as number four, but it felt too high for some reason. Let's go with our gut on this and keep Sylvester McCoy at number five.

6. Patrick Troughton (Second Doctor)

Being the second doctor means you have to fill some kind of doctoral shoes. Was Patrick Troughton up for the job? He did the job, that's for sure, and like anyone who goes second, he probably did it competently. Also, since this was the mid to late sixties, the show probably didn't jump the shark and start doing goofy fan service shit yet like have all the doctors time travel and hang out with each other.

7. William Hartnell (First Doctor)

Wialliam Hartnell is the first doctor, which means he's either really good and is the “classic” pick or kind of corny and only loved by people whose favorite Star Wars character is C3PO. By putting him in the middle, we're hedging our bets. Too high? Too low? Sound off in the comment section below!

8. Paul McGann (Eighth Doctor)

What can you say about Paul McGann, the eighth Doctor? I do not know what you can say about him, as I have never watched Dr. Who. Number eight.

9. Peter Capaldi (Twelfth Doctor)

Peter Capaldi is the most recent doctor, and is not as good as some of the doctors in the past, but is doing alright. How hard is it to pretend to travel through space and fight monsters? Almost any actor could pull it off.

10. Jon Pertwee (Third Doctor)


Look, we know Jon Pertwee is definitely better than his ranking. You know it, too. Seeing his name this low made you a little mad, didn't it? “How could they do this to Jon Pertwee?” you thought. Sorry, Who-sers. There are no sacred cows. Number ten with conviction.

11. Colin Baker (Sixth Doctor)

This was the hardest ranking to do. We honestly thought we covered all the doctors, but the blank spot on number eleven had us guessing. “Who did we leave out?” we thought to ourselves for what seemed like minutes. A quick scan of the list and the Wikipedia page for actors who've played Dr. Who revealed the answer: Colin Baker. You can't sneak by us forever, Colin. Eleven with a bullet.

12. Christopher Eccleston (Ninth Doctor)

Christopher Eccleston was the doctor for only a year according to Wikipedia. Everyone had to hate him. Hell, I bet he hated being the Doctor. Imagine the nightmare of going to school to become a professional actor, struggling for years to hone your craft, hearing rejection after rejection, clawing your way into an industry that doesn't want you because you aren't “leading man” material, whatever the fuck that means, and when you finally get somewhere, now you have to do some goofy sci fi for children where you're piloting a spaceship with a silly voice alongside a snarky alien with two heads (we're guessing)? And on top of all that, an army of nerds is yelling at you to be more like a guy who died twenty years ago, was drunk half the time on set, and mugged his way through clever one-liners like a third-rate Jackie Gleason. Fuck this shit.